What goes a-round comes around...

It's a long time since I wrote anything. Maybe it's lack of interest, or laziness but I somehow have managed to stay away from it for a long time now. I remember talking to a friend a few days back about it and it's his response that has got me back on track. He got me to start thinking again. Isn't it strange how sometimes we lose touch with something that is very special and important to us? When my friend asked me as to why I had stopped writing, I could sense his concern. His question triggered off the same question in me, why had I stopped writing? What was it that was missing in me? 

I have been thinking about this for a while now, but getting lost time and again. I have been  caught up in a web of events, some created by me and some by people around me. I have been trying to find a way out, to untangle myself, only to find myself more and more tangled. I feel stagnant because I am not progressing. I am stuck in a never ending cycle of winding and unwinding with no visible end.

But something has changed. All these thoughts have given rise to yet another thought, a more stronger one. I have realized that I can't move out the circle anyway. I can only proceed, move ahead, and let go of all that I considered a hindrance.I only feel stagnant, but actually I am progressing, only that I can't see it in a tangible form. The only way I do realize of the change is in terms of my thoughts, that seem to have matured over time. I see things very differently now. It seems as though everything that until sometime bothered me, now feels very distant. The thought that life is all dull and boring seems silly. Nothing seems morbid anymore. Everything appears to be interesting and alluring. Everything seems new and unexplored. All that I had stopped enjoying, for whatever reasons it may be, now pulls me towards it like a magnet. 

I feel so different today, positive and brimming with newness. After a long time I am excited. I want to do something new, try out things. Not just that, I want to get in touch with all that I have put aside, like writing or clicking pictures. I don’t want to sit idle even for a moment but keep doing something to keep me occupied. I want to create some meaning out of my existence, however vague and uncertain it may be, because I know someday it will make more sense.

We all want that don’t we? We all want to create meaning out of our lives, however distorted though they may appear to be. We want each moment of our lives to be eventful. We want more flavour, more chaos, more play, and more drama. We all want to make sense, feel sensible. 

Life is that way may be. You never know what gets back to you. It moves in circles that don't appear to be round. The only difference is this realization gets to you when things you had left behind cross you path again!